


Remind Me

by cerridwennn



Series: Love Is All That Matters After All [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:37:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerridwennn/pseuds/cerridwennn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Everything Else Seems So Small (read that first). <br/>"Everyone loves you, kid. I don't know what makes you think JJ wouldn't." After everything, Emily must find a way to put JJ back together, but what if their love isn't strong enough? What if she isn't enough to help pull JJ from the darkness? WARNING: Contains descriptions of rape, violence and... femslash smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Was Tradition

6 Months Later

They'd only been doing this again for about three weeks, so in many ways, it was like something new all over again. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like to want someone this much; to need them like the very air you breathed. Every sensation was causing her knees to go weak as the touches continued to set her body aflame. And after today, an entire day and night of not being able to see each other because, as Garcia said, it was tradition, she couldn't take it anymore.

The trail of kisses that were left along the collarbone of her tanned skin made her groan, the rumble escaping from deep within her throat. Her fingers tangled into ebony hair as she devoured Emily's mouth with her own, nibbling on the older woman's bottom lip with her teeth. With today being what it was, she needed this. She'd never needed anything more than to feel Emily's skin against hers. They were committed, their relationship solidified and she couldn't run anymore. She didn't want to run anymore.

"God, Jennifer. Take it off, please," Emily begged as JJ's fingers trailed over the bare skin on her arms. She wanted out of this dress immediately. They both may have been dressed in white, but nothing about them was pure anymore. They'd worshipped and pleasured each other's bodies since the very beginning of their relationship. Constantly battling against the urge to caress the other one's flesh or slide their tongue into the perfect awaiting mouth.

JJ couldn't resist the brunette's pleas, especially not with the way Emily's lean frame was grinding against her own. Her body pinned Emily's taller one to the door as her fingers danced along the hidden zipper on the side before grabbing it and pulling it down at an agonizingly slow pace.

The older woman whimpered with every new strip of exposed skin; the cool air causing goose bumps to appear as JJ's warm breath panted in her ear. She would never be to explain what this felt like, what it felt like to hold your wife bound within your arms as you ground yourself against her thigh, the one that was currently so tightly wedged between your legs. No one would ever understand what it felt like to have those tiny hands grasping at your very scalp as you felt your wedding dress fall to the floor. It would be impossible to describe the pleasure that overwhelmed your very senses when that same woman yanked you backwards so that you landed on top of her on the plush mattress, wrinkling her equally white gown, before allowing a delicious moan to pour out of your mouth.

Just 5 hours earlier, JJ and Emily had stood in front of family and friends as they proclaimed their undying love for each other, until death do us part. The entire day had felt surreal for both of them; waking up in two separate cottages overlooking the lake, the sun shining through partially open curtains, knowing that this was the very sky they were going to be getting married under later that afternoon.

Rossi had smiled with delight as he walked Emily down the aisle. Hotch had carried a glint in his eye while officiating the ceremony. The brides' voices had both cracked with emotion as they delivered their vows. The water had shimmered beautifully as they slipped rings onto each other's fingers. Garcia had cried openly as she gave her maid-of-honor speech. Ashley had giggled excessively when Morgan asked her to dance, allowing him to rest one hand on her swollen belly while proclaiming that the kid better call him Uncle Derek. Elizabeth had kissed Emily's cheek, trying to hide the tears in her eyes, when she told her daughter how proud she was of her. And both Emily and JJ had smiled slyly as they snuck off to their bedroom halfway through their reception because they couldn't stand to wait another moment before they were able to touch each other.

The two of them now lay in a mess of sheets on top of the bed, their sweaty naked skin sliding against the other's flesh as hands roamed between legs and over breasts.

This was always JJ's favorite part; the amount of time they spent working each other up, getting each other so hot and bothered that they were ready to explode before they even started. She loved listening to Emily's breath hitch every time the blonde would lick the shell of her ear. Arousal would rush through her whenever the older woman slid her hands across a pert nipple. This was a dance that they both knew very well and knowing that she would get to do this again and again for forever made her happier than she would ever be able to describe. Her chest was too small to contain the love she felt for Emily, her feelings, words and thoughts flowing out of her as they continued to consume one another. Moans, movements, caresses, sighs, tears, laughter, whimpers… it was all part of their dance.

"I love you," JJ keened as she felt two long digits slip inside of her, pumping in and out of her excruciatingly slowly.

This was Emily's favorite part. There was nothing she loved more than having her fingers enveloped by this beautiful woman's velvet walls; dragging animalistic sounds out of the normally composed blonde with every thrust, sounds that only she was allowed to hear.

Things hadn't always been like this. They'd spent months upon months barely talking to each other, much less touching each other, after everything JJ had been through. The relationship they fought so hard for had hung in the balance for entirely too long as they struggled to find one another again. Each day was a challenge and there were moments where they weren't sure they would make it together. There were times they'd even wondered if JJ would make it at all.

But that was all behind them now. They lived in a world where memories of what had happened with Hagin and Matthew rarely surfaced, a world where JJ was more at peace than she had felt in a long time. Of course, there were nights where the younger woman still battled with the nightmares or the insecurities that came along with being violated, tortured and almost… killed, but they were few and far between. And Emily was always there, right beside her, as JJ mourned the things that had been taken from her. Emily was there with a comforting arm around her shoulder as JJ sobbed her way through a rough day. Emily was there, placing delicate kisses in golden hair, after JJ finished screaming at her and instead broke down crying. Those moments still happened; they couldn't lie about that.

"Emily, I'm so… oh my… close." JJ's voice came out almost as a whine, her way of begging for release while her wife's sweat sheened body hovered above her. She pressed her lips against the soft column of the brunette's throat, pleasure coiling higher and higher inside of her, threatening to break the surface. Her teeth nipped at Emily's pulse point and left behind a mark that she knew would be visible tomorrow on alabaster skin.

Emily's breaths were shallow. She was panting in the smaller woman's ear when she felt nails dig into the skin of her back. "Wait for me, Jennifer. Almost… God, almost."

JJ simply nodded against the woman above her, suppressing a whimper as she felt Emily's slick heat grinding against her thigh. She knew how close they both were, that it wouldn't take much longer for both of them to come undone and come crashing down from the high together.

It was with a few more thrusts that JJ finally felt the release start, a slow burn beginning in the pit of her stomach that made her feel like she was flying. She pressed her mouth against Emily's in an attempt to quiet her moans as her muscles tensed, going rigid as the brunette glided against her one last time before her orgasm rushed through her.

"Jennifer," Emily cried, disconnecting her mouth from JJ's, pulling air into her lungs as her entire body was engulfed by a feeling of euphoria. "Holy fuck…" Her breath wisped through JJ's hair, a few blonde strands blowing softly before she rolled off of her wife with a huff.

"That was… yeah," JJ said, practically speechless. She flipped onto her side, curling against Emily and running her fingers through a mess of midnight tresses. "We did it." Her voice held an air of amazement and they both knew that JJ wasn't simply talking about sex. They had done it, they'd gotten married. After everything, they still managed to end up here, wrapped in each other's arms as a cool wind blew in from the open balcony doors.

"Aren't you going to close those?" Emily joked as she tugged on JJ's small body, urging her to climb underneath the blankets. "It was your idea to open them after all."

JJ poked at the Emily's exposed side, causing the older woman to laugh and squirm, "That's only because you kept saying how romantic it would be to be able to see the moon and apparently, neither of us are smart enough to open roll-up blinds."

Emily scoffed while running her fingers up and down JJ's spine. It still hadn't completely hit her yet. Wife, Jennifer Jareau was her wife. The first time she'd met this small petite blonde, she never would've imagined that this is where they'd end up years later, curled up in bed after a steamy round of love-making and married to each other. And it had been even more difficult to imagine a moment like this after they'd spent so much time fighting against both of their inner demons, as well as with each other. "This is…" Emily paused, trying to figure out how to put exactly was she was thinking into words. "This is…" She couldn't. It would always be indescribable. So instead of searching for the words, she turned her head slightly, pressing her mouth against JJ's and rolling them over so the blonde was underneath her once again.

"Is this how it's going to be, Agent Prentiss? Do you think you always need to be the top?" A wicked grin flashed across JJ's face before she quickly flipped them over, allowing herself to take control as her hand trailed down the brunette's taught stomach. "This whole thing is give and take, Emily," she whispered, her fingers already slipping through her wife's wetness, dipping inside her core. "All you've done is give for months, doing everything you can to build me up again and make me whole, but now it's my turn. I want to be around you and deep inside of you all at once. I want to give you back everything you've given me."


	2. Between Sleeping & Dreaming

It was too soon. They were all thinking it. Well, at least Emily was. After less than two weeks, JJ had proven stable enough to be transferred from Shands in Florida and flown to Washington Hospital. And now, just over one week later, she was being released to go home. She was breathing on her own, her vitals were stable, no infections and she'd even begun physical therapy to regain full use of her left arm. It was outstanding that JJ was healing as quickly as she was and Emily knew that she should be grateful because physically, her girlfriend was okay, alive.

Everything was just happening so fast.

"I'm not ready," Emily sighed, a slow puff of cigarette smoke escaping her mouth along with her admittance; a habit she'd picked back up after JJ's third day in the hospital. She thought it was her secret, with no one knowing except for Reid, but they all just pretended not to notice.

The brunette was falling apart little by little, struggling more every day, every moment that passed with JJ barely speaking to her. Everyone tried their best to comfort Emily, reminding her that JJ didn't really speak to anyone. And it would work momentarily, until Will LaMontagne walked into a room and JJ's eyes would light up at the sight of him. So Emily simply smiles politely and excuses herself from the room, stepping outside to suck on the end of another cigarette.

"Come on, let's go back inside," Reid urged as he motioned to JJ's house where everyone was gathered to celebrate the blonde's return home.

"She doesn't want me in there and I don't have the energy to stand there smiling, pretending that she does," Emily said sourly.

Reid just nodded solemnly before making his way up the steps to the back door.

"Oh, and Reid…"

He stopped mid-step, returning his attention to the broken woman behind him.

"Don't let any of them come out here and try to give me a pep talk, okay? Especially Morgan. I can't listen to another one of his speeches about how we all really just need to be here for JJ now." She turns her head back around; looking out over the back yard, hearing Reid's fading footsteps behind her.

This past month had made Emily increasingly bitter and angry. She no longer cared whose feelings she hurt, especially not after JJ had basically ripped her heart out just to play with it. Sometimes it would be there, that glimmer of love in those sparkling blue eyes, but it was always fleeting, disappearing before Emily could even consider holding on to it.

The ache in her chest was constant, a hole left by JJ's absence. At night, her dreams were often of her girlfriend. Waking her up with memories of light kisses in golden hair, desperate moans, electric sweat-soaked skin and whispered I love yous. But then those dreams would be overtaken by nightmares; JJ crying, shouting, begging, and dying. And Emily would wake up breathless, choking back sobs so as not to wake the other woman in the room.

Because there was no room for Emily's nightmares there, in JJ's hospital room. Not when the younger woman would wake up whimpering or fighting or screaming herself. Those nights… how could Emily ever admit that a part of her would wish for them because on those nights JJ would curl into the brunette, allowing Emily to wrap her in her arms as she cried her way through fitful dreams.

Being needed. Being loved. Just being there at all. It was like a breath of fresh air, a familiar scent cloaked in remembrances.

In those moments, during JJ's turmoil, Emily was again able to run her fingers through silky golden hair, to press her lips against tanned skin, to wrap her arms around the woman she loved. JJ's hell and distress was her oasis, and that causes more guilt within her than she knows how to explain.

Emily lets out an exasperated sigh as she finishes her cigarette, snubbing it out in the dirt so she can shove it in her pocket and flush it away later. She can't sit out on the back porch steps forever, even though she wants to because she knows that there will be an awkward tension surrounding her as soon as she rejoins her team inside. They don't really understand her anger, her resentment, her guilt, her pain. JJ went through all of this, not her. JJ needs everyone's support, not her. JJ is the one hurting and recovering, not her.

She's used to dealing with things internally. Compartmentalize. She's a Prentiss and that's all there is to it.

Her face is a mask, unreadable, when she walks through the door. She can feel a few sets of eyes on her, knowing without looking that one of them belongs to Reid. Always Reid, always looking but not asking. Silently supportive. Not pushing. And it's comforting that someone knows, that someone just gets it.

But even though she can feel his stare, she doesn't glance up, choosing instead to pour herself a glass of wine and start working on the dishes.

From across the room, JJ notices her. She's always aware of Emily's presence. Scared of it. Drawn to it. Her girlfriend. The moment Emily walks into a room, JJ knows it; whether she's enraptured by midnight hair or simply breathing her in as she walks by.

Her nightmares, when she wakes up and Emily's holding her again, that's when she feels whole. But she can't admit that outside of the dark little world they'd created, a place between sleeping and dreaming.

In the light of day, it all scares her. The closeness. The touching. The prying eyes. They're always looking at her, staring… like they're searching for cracks, chinks in her armor. Wondering if she's broken completely.

The night ends uneventfully. Emily had spent most of the evening avoiding the living room where their team and JJ's family had congregated, laughing and drinking, enjoying the feeling of having their golden girl back home. They'd gotten really good at ignoring the elephant in the room. They'd avert their eyes when JJ would wince, trying to give her privacy in her moments of discomfort. They'd make a few extra jokes when they noticed tears in her eyes. They'd gesture a little more with their hands so they could ignore the urge they had to touch her.

They weren't themselves, and both women equally hated it and were grateful for it.

Emily gives a last wave to Will as he walks out the door with a sleeping Henry before turning around to see her girlfriend half asleep in her favorite chair. The day had taken a toll on JJ; it was evident on her features. But there was something about her that also seemed more peaceful, and whether it is the relief of finally being out of the hospital or the comfortable afterglow that came with being surrounded by family, Emily can't be sure.

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?" Two blue eyes open a little wider at Emily's question.

They'd discussed moving many of JJ's things downstairs to the guest room until she was stronger, ready, but the blonde had ultimately decided against it. Not wanting to upset her life any more than necessary.

"No, I think I can manage. Thank you though… for offering," JJ replies, already pushing herself up out of the chair, careful not to put too much pressure on her left arm.

Emily tries not to let the disappointment show on her face, but JJ catches it and although she wishes it didn't, it instantly makes her angry.

"I'm allowed to do things on my own. I'm not completely helpless and incompetent."

"I know that," Emily says, her eyes downcast, her face a mixture of hurt and her own underlying fury.

"Try not to smell like cigarettes when you come to bed. It's disgusting." JJ's voice is clipped and harsh as she ascends the stairs.

And Emily is already lighting a cigarette as she walks out the back door, if only for no other reason than to piss her girlfriend off.

Their anger is misdirected and they both know it, but for now, all they can do is hope; both secretly waiting for that moment in the darkness, where they find each other, that place between sleep and awake.


	3. You're Not the Only One

Her hand rested over her racing heart as her eyes adjusted to the room. She could feel the sweat that lined her brow and her entire body tingled as if she were on high alert. The smell of blood lingered in the air, mixed with the musty scent of damp hay. She could still feel the weight of the gun, heavy in her hand and the slight drawback as she pulled the trigger.

She was back in that moment, in that barn, with the eyes of the woman she loves boring into her. Only this time, there was the split second where it all fell apart; where suddenly the blood was JJ's and she was cradling the younger woman in her arms, whispering soft 'I love yous' into her hair while Ashley's cries of despair reverberated around them.

But it wasn't real, not this time or the time before that... or the time before that. It was just another nightmare; the same nightmare she'd had every night since JJ had been rescued. And it always ended the same way, with her girlfriend's blood on her hands.

Emily took a deep breath, steadying herself at the foot of the stairs before making her way to JJ's bedroom.

Earlier, after Emily had finished her cigarette and come back inside, she and JJ spent nearly half an hour arguing with each other over essentially nothing. Tired and fed up, the brunette had grabbed a throw blanket and opted to sleep on the couch, still clad in her jeans and oversized Yale sweatshirt.

They had fought, screaming horrible things at each other, but that didn't mean Emily had stopped caring. She couldn't get the image of a lifeless JJ out of her head and she knew that there would be no way she could sleep until she was certain that the younger woman was safe and sound.

The door opened with a quiet whoosh as she stepped into the bedroom, her eyes immediately gravitating towards the bed. She expected to see JJ, curled up in a ball with golden hair feathered across the pillows. It was new for JJ to sleep that way, curling into herself, protecting herself from her past, her present and perhaps her future. But JJ wasn’t sleeping that way. She wasn’t sleeping at all. She simply wasn’t there.

Emily immediately felt her heart begin to beat a little faster as she scoured the room in search of her girlfriend. She took a few deep breaths, calming herself, reminding herself that just because JJ wasn’t there, that didn’t mean she was _gone_.

Clothes were scattered on the floor: a nightshirt, a bra, a pair of JJ’s lacy underwear, leaving a trail that Emily had no other choice but to follow.

That was when she heard it, the quiet whimpering and soft cries. She took a few careful steps toward the sound before slowly opening the bathroom door.

She felt an instantaneous ache in her chest, the sight before her completely heartbreaking. The blonde lay on the floor in the fetal position, the scars on her bare back noticeable in the moonlight that streamed through the window. JJ’s entire body shook as her cries quickly turned into sobs. Her hands covered her face, but Emily knew that behind those delicate fingers she’d find sad blue eyes, overflowing with tears.

“JJ,” Emily whispered, not wanting to startle the younger woman. She crouched down, a tentative hand lingering over her girlfriend. “JJ, honey…” She let her hand fall, her fingers now resting against the silky smooth skin covering JJ’s shoulder blade. The flinch was immediate and Emily almost moved away, battling between wanting to comfort this fragile woman or give her the space she may need.

“Don’t, please,” JJ cried, her words stuttering out between gasps for air.

The brunette stood as she began to remove her sweatshirt, lifting it over her head before letting it drop to the floor, followed shortly thereafter by her jeans. She wasn’t sure if this was the best idea, but it was the only one she had. Dressed now in only her bra and boy shorts, the older woman cautiously settled in behind JJ, pressing her stomach against the younger woman’s back. Reid had once mentioned the healing effects of skin to skin contact and Emily prayed that this would be what JJ needed.

Resistance. It was immediate and she fought against the squirming blonde.

“Stop. Stop, please. Don’t!” JJ’s exclamations grew louder as Emily tightened her grip, her arms encircling the younger woman, her fingers rubbing soothing circles on still bruised and healing arms.

“It’s just me,” Emily murmured, her breath whishing through honeyed hair. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” Her words were meant to calm, to soothe, but JJ still struggled against her. She tried again. “You’re home. You’re protected. I’m here. Just me. Just us.”

She could feel the muscles tensing in JJ’s back as she pushed her body even closer, almost as if she was trying to absorb the younger woman’s pain, drawing it into her own skin.

“Just me. Just us,” she repeated. “Jennifer…”

And it was just like that, with a whispered utterance of her name, that JJ’s body relaxed.

They stayed like in that position for what seemed like hours, with Emily drawing innocuous patterns along JJ’s skin. Often times, without even realizing it, Emily would find her fingers tracing a fading wound and a lump would form in her throat as she thought about the horrors that JJ must have faced.

She had so many questions, so many things she wanted to know. Part of her wished that she knew everything that JJ had endured; every cut, every burn, every unwelcome touch, if only so she could be there when her girlfriend needed that comfort. When JJ felt like no one else understood what she’d been through… Emily wanted to be that. She wanted to be that person. But another part of her couldn’t fathom knowing everything. Could she handle knowing exactly what Matthew Petteway had done to the woman she loved? Or would it cause her heart to break even more every time she looked at JJ?

“I don’t want to be this way,” JJ whimpered, her voice breaking the impenetrable silence.

Emily’s hand stilled, resting on top of JJ’s before she threaded their fingers together. She immediately felt a little more whole, as if simply interlacing their hands had begun to fill all those empty spaces inside of her.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Emily encouraged.

“No, Em. I’m not. We’re not.” JJ’s voice was quiet, meek, so far removed from the commanding tone it often held during press conferences or an interrogation. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just woke up and it was like…” The blonde paused, choking back tears as she squeezed Emily’s hand. “It was like they were there. After Hagin, I could convince myself that it wasn’t real, that when I woke up and could… when I could smell him, I was able to remind myself that it was just a nightmare. After Matthew though, I just can’t do that anymore.”

The brunette stayed silent before placing a gentle kiss on JJ’s shoulder. She didn’t want to push. She wanted JJ to be able to tell this story on her own terms. It was the story that Emily wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but if it helped ease JJ’s burden, even if only slightly, then she would listen to every word.

“The second time I was taken, I thought it was just another nightmare. I woke up, and there I was in a barn and it was just like all the bad dreams I’d had before. I spent so much time thinking that it wasn’t real and then Ashley was screaming and Matthew showed up and I just knew. I can’t even… it happened to me again, Em. So now, when I wake up sweating and crying from a nightmare, I have to do everything I can to convince myself that it isn’t real. That I’m not locked up in some barn while some psycho killer slides a knife across my skin.”

Emily shuddered. JJ felt it.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to…”

Emily cut her off, “Tell me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide from me.”

The blonde nodded almost imperceptibly. “Usually, when I wake up, you’re there and tonight you weren’t.”

An immediate feeling of guilt settled itself in Emily’s gut as tears sprang to her eyes. She could’ve easily ended the argument earlier. It would’ve been so simple to put out the cigarette, walk upstairs and apologize. Then JJ wouldn’t have had to suffer through the nightmares alone.

“You weren’t there and it was like I could feel him. When Matthew took me he…” JJ hesitated, wondering if telling Emily these things made her selfish. She knew the older woman suffered from nightmares as well. She’d witnessed it in the hospital, when she’d wake up in the night to see Emily bent over in the chair, her head lying on JJ’s bed. More than once she’d run her finger across her girlfriend’s brow or whispered sweet nothings in her ear in hopes of driving Emily’s nightmares away. Perhaps not every moment was meant to be shared.

 “I needed to get the feeling of his hands off my skin so I got out of bed, took off my clothes and when I came in here, I stood at the sink and… I started scrubbing. I just didn’t want… I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

* * *

 

Emily groaned, burying her face further in the pillows, trying to block out the early morning sun. A small smile graced her lips as memories of last night came flooding back. They’d laid together on the bathroom floor for hours; crying and talking. But then there had been smiling and laughing. It was well after 3 a.m. before they decided that perhaps it was time for bed. Then JJ had slipped her clothes back on and _together_ they’d slid underneath the covers.

She reached her arm over, searching for the warmth that JJ’s small frame would provide, wanting to pull the younger woman closer. Her hand landed with a soft thud on cooling sheets and she lifted her head just in time to see JJ’s slip into the bathroom, the door closing with a quiet click.

She stayed in bed for another moment, stretching out her limbs and rolling her neck from side to side. Joy bloomed in her chest as she thought about what today might entail. Last night had felt like a breakthrough; a small victory perhaps, but a victory nonetheless. There was still a lot of healing left to be done, for both of them, however, this could be a new beginning; a fresh start after so much horror.

Her feet made soft padding sounds against the floor as she made her way towards the bathroom. It was only as her hand twisted the knob that she realized it was locked. “Jayje?” she called, already hearing the sounds of water running, meaning that the younger woman was getting ready for her morning shower. “Honey, open the door. I have to pee.”

“Go away, Emily.”

It was evident by the tone of JJ’s voice that this wasn’t the time for good mornings and lighthearted conversation.

“JJ, is everything okay?”

“I don’t want to deal with this today. Just go away."

* * *

 

She knew that no amount of showers could erase the memories; steaming hot water and endless hours of scrubbing her skin raw wouldn’t help her forget what his callused hands had felt like while gripping her waist or how the warmth of his breath had felt sticky against her neck.

She could hear Emily knocking at the bathroom door through the steady stream of water, but ignoring her was simple. JJ wasn’t ready to confront all of this, everything she’d been through, in the harsh light of the day. She felt too open, too vulnerable, when the sun was out. She needed night, the darkness, a place to hide. It was acceptable for her to be afraid when she was enveloped in blackness. She could be weak then, when no one could see her.

What none of them understood was that she was always scared now. Things before that had been meaningless were now constant reminders of Hagin and Matthew.

The color red. An abandoned barn. The smell of musty hay. The fading scent of cigarettes. And she was now more terrified of the woods than she had ever been. How could she make all of them understand that?            

“Go away! I just want to be alone!” JJ finally yelled after Emily kept begging to be let in.

She ran her hands through her hair, rinsing it for the third time that morning.

Her hair. It had been Matthew’s favorite thing. She could still feel his fingers running through the matted strands as he told her how beautiful it was, repeatedly telling her that gold would forever be his favorite color.

It wasn’t until she heard the front door close and Emily’s car pull out of the driveway that she shut off the water and stepped out of the shower.

Her gaze never met the mirror as her feet padded across the tile floor, not stopping to grab a towel on her way to the bedroom.

Still dripping wet, she curled her fragile body up in the sheets, tucking herself beneath the covers in hopes of blocking out the daylight.


End file.
